The Honor and Privilege of Marriage

Constructing a God Glorying View of Matrimony in the Christian Church

Howdy!

We don’t often think of marriage as something that should be in a directory for public worship, and since it is not normally conducted on the Lord’s Day it does seem a little strange, to be honest. However, seeing as it is ordinarily for the Christian done in the sanctuary and with a minister of the gospel (more on this later) presiding it makes sense that the Church would want to have some kind of understanding as to how a wedding should be conducted. As believers we should strive to do all things well and for the glory of God, our nuptials included.

Here are the opening words of the DPW on marriage:

Although marriage be no sacrament, nor peculiar to the church of God, but common to mankind, and of publick interest in every commonwealth; yet, because such as marry are to marry in the Lord, and have special need of instruction, direction, and exhortation, from the word of God, at their entering into such a new condition, and of the blessing of God upon them therein, we judge it expedient that marriage be solemnized by a lawful minister of the word, that he may accordingly counsel them, and pray for a blessing upon them.

Marriage is to be betwixt one man and one woman only; and they such as are not within the degrees of consanguinity or affinity prohibited by the word of God; and the parties are to be of years of discretion, fit to make their own choice, or, upon good grounds, to give their mutual consent.

There are a few details this week that are worth noting before we get too much into it. In the very first sentence there is one thing that needs more explanation. First of all, what is meant by the clarification that marriage is not a sacrament? According to another of our standards, the Westminster Shorter Catechism, a sacrament is, “. . . an holy ordinance instituted by Christ; wherein, by sensible signs, Christ, and the benefits of the new covenant, are represented, sealed, and applied to believers.”. You can see straightaway why marriage doesn’t fit that definition. If marriage is not peculiar to the church of God then it is not restricted to believers. Also, if it is common to mankind than it is not represented in or sealed by the new covenant in Christ. We obviously believe that marriage is to be contracted by Christians in the Lord, but it doesn’t have to be in order to be marriage. As the DPW says marriage is a common good and in the “. . . public interest in every commonwealth”. The act of marriage is a blessing for all men.

For believers while it is not a sacrament, that does not mean that it is not to then be sanctified by the process outlined in the DPW. Those who rest and trust in Christ unto salvation are to see to it that they conduct all of life under the kingship and promise of their Savior. That includes asking His blessing upon their vows. In two weeks we’ll actually look at the vows the DPW includes in this section and consider what they mean. Continuing though with what solemnizing a Christian marriage looks like there are three directions given: instruction, direction, and exhortation from the word of God. And since these three are to be followed with a blessing of God upon them we then see why it is expedient that the man who is specially called to do those things, the minister, be the one who oversees and officiates the bringing together of one man and one women into holy matrimony.

It is sometimes said that preachers are here to “marry and bury”, and while there is some truth to that when you consider the call to instruct and direct and exhort we do not understand all those to happen strictly in the service of worship where two people are married. While there is not civil nor biblical requirement for pre-marital counseling (I’ve wedded people who we then later did the counseling after the service) we can see the wisdom in the work of preparation. Properly comprehending what you are getting yourself into is a helpful way to build a good foundation for the life you live together in Christ. Hence why the minister is spoken of in the DPW as being the right person to oversee this process. God in His grace has so ordered the church.

While when the DPW was written the inclusion of the phrase one man and one woman could not have foreseen same-sex marriage it certainly precludes it. At the time the main concern was with sins like bigamy (being married to two people at once) or polygamy (being married to multiple women at once). We know those are all three wicked and out of accord with Biblical teaching so we will not spend much time on that. More curious for our purposes is the statement in the second paragraph about “ . . . and they such as are not within the degrees of consanguinity or affinity prohibited by the word of God” and “. . . and the parties are to be of years of discretion, fit to make their own choice, or, upon good grounds, to give their mutual consent.”.

The first one has to do with a concern in seventeenth century Britain (and today) in regard to not just family, but legal questions as well. The Westminster Confession of Faith notes, “. . . The man may not marry any of his wife's kindred nearer in blood than he may of his own, nor the woman of her husband's kindred nearer in blood than of her own..” Speaking of the case of the death of the man or woman it is not right and good to marry your wife’s sister or your husband’s brother in the case of a death of a spouse. This would include: mother, stepmother, granddaughter, sister and half-sister, “born at home or born abroad,” i.e., legitimate or illegitimate, cousin, aunt on the father’s side, maternal aunt, the wife of a father’s brother, daughter-in-law, brother’s wife, wife’s grand-daughter, etc.... Hopefully this is not an issue that needs much explanation.

In closing, the last thing worth noting is the years of discretion clause. What this is speaking about is whether or not it is lawful for older men (nearly always the case) to marry younger women. The requirement of the DPW is simple: Is she of age, does she consent, and is she not under any compulsion or obligation to contract the marriage? If all those questions can be answered in the affirmative than neither the church nor the state should have objections nor does the word of God.

Last word:

https://www.reformation21.org/confession/2013/06/chapter-24.php

Blessings in Christ,

Rev. Benjamin Glaser

Pastor, Bethany ARP Church