Vows, Names, and Blessings in Marriage

Witnessing to What We Do When We Say I Do

Good Morning,

As I said last week we will be closing out our time this morning in learning from the Westminster Divines in how it is that Christians should approach marriage. Through their wisdom we can better understand what the Bible has to teach us about the ways of the Lord when it comes to all the issues around matrimony. Our most recent topic were the prayers offered by the pastor and today we will be considering the vows taken by the man and woman as they are bound together in love. The section is long so we won’t take a lot of space in preparation.

However, notice how similar the vows are to the ones taken today. It is part of God’s blessed grace witnessed to us in His ordinance that we maintain the traditions of the elders as there is no reason to break what does not in any way needs fixed. We are inheritors and honored in it.

Let’s go ahead and read:

After solemn charging of the persons to be married, before the great God, who searches all hearts, and to whom they must give a strict account at the last day, that if either of them know any cause, by precontract or otherwise, why they may not lawfully proceed to marriage, that they now discover it; the minister (if no impediment be acknowledged) shall cause first the man to take the woman by the right hand, saying these words:

I N. do take thee N. to be my married wife, and do, in the presence of God, and before this congregation, promise and covenant to be a loving and faithful husband unto thee, until God shall separate us by death.

Then the woman shall take the man by the right hand, and say these words:

I N. do take thee N. to be my married husband, and I do, in the presence of God, and before this congregation, promise and covenant to be a loving, faithful, and obedient wife unto thee, until God shall separate us by death.

Then, without any further ceremony, the minister shall, in the face of the congregation, pronounce them to be husband and wife, according to God’s ordinance; and so conclude the action with prayer to this effect:

“That the Lord would be pleased to accompany his own ordinance with his blessing, beseeching him to enrich the persons now married, as with other pledges of his love, so particularly with the comforts and fruits of marriage, to the praise of his abundant mercy, in and through Christ Jesus.”

A register is to be carefully kept, wherein the names of the parties so married, with the time of their marriage, are forthwith to be fairly recorded in a book provided for that purpose, for the perusal of all whom it may concern.

Something Christians do not consider deeply enough in general is what the DPW says about how even in marriage we must, “. . . give a strict account at the last day”. Whenever we take a vow before the Lord it should be a pressing concern of our soul that we remember that this vow is given not only in the sight of man, but of God. If we would not desire to lie before our mother and father, how much moreso should we contemplate the notorious sin of falsely testifying before the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth? It is a keen mark of spiritual maturity that one does not make promises that they do not intend to keep, and yet it is a great mercy and help to know that when our partner said the words of I do they themselves are held in God’s hands.

As you read the vows themselves, notice how they begin with the names of the participants. Names are interesting things. They are symbols, markers of uniqueness. We give great thought and care about them when we are having children for a reason. People will have that name in a sense forever. It becomes who you are. So when it comes to the wedding ceremony and the vows are said and the minister says, “Repeat after me” and we put the name of our soon-to-be husband or wife in our mouth we are saying a lot. We are in a way owning the totality of that person before us. We are understanding their self-worth and self-identity. We are also acknowledging our responsibility for the care of this individual. This especially goes for the man.

I know it is not popular to use the loving and faithful husband and loving, faithful, and obedient wife language anymore, and in this the church has become more worldly than it was before. There is nothing wrong with recognizing the difference between a husband and a wife. Think about where those words come from. In English husband derives from the same word idea that we get things like shepherd from. The biblical witness to a shepherd is someone who is marked out as a servant, who lays down his life for his sheep, and in this case a particular sheep who he is vowing before God to sacrifice his wants and needs for. There is no greater love for a husband to show than how he treats his bride. For the wife then that term comes to us from the German word for woman, which itself is born from the very creation of Eve in the Scriptures. The wo-man who was taken from man. Some might see this as a negative thing, whereas the Christian sees the original blessing of the Lord in His work of creation. For a husband to hate his wife is to hate himself, his own flesh, hence why the union language of Genesis 2 is helpful here. For a wife then to be obedient is not an act of unthinking submission, but of love in the same way the service of the shepherd is a gift in order that each individual in their own way live out their call.

In closing, the more as believers we think through some of the aspects of the Christian life and the reasons behind why we do things the more we will gain blessings from them. There is a true purpose at the foundation of our faith that we would be wise to consider. Thinking about why we do what we do is the only way we can grow in understanding and love for one another.

Last word:

https://learn.ligonier.org/devotionals/those-whom-god-hath-joined-together

Blessings in Christ,

Rev. Benjamin Glaser

Pastor, Bethany ARP Church