Disappointment is one of the worst emotional attacks on a man’s heart. This is especially the case when it hits in the home or at least close to it. There are few pains like when your parents, children, church, or whatever social structure you’d like to name leaves you broken by their failure to do what you would like, had hoped, they would do. For today’s prayer and worship help we are going to look a little bit into where disappointment comes from and how best we can deal with it as Christians in order to not just stiff-upper-lip our way through it, but actually move in a positive direction in life.
There are probably a hundred stories that come to mind from the Bible that fit this kind of situation; whether it be the frustrations Moses has with the people of God when they can’t seem to get what Jehovah is on about, or the father in the Prodigal Son story, David and Absalom, or Paul with Peter in Galatians 2. While coming from different parts of the Scriptures and covering disparate situations there is one thing each of these have in common with one another. In each of them you have a person who expects their compatriot, whether son, brother in the faith, or the folks that just came out of bondage to slavery to do the bare minimum of what you ask. It should not be a big deal to, I don’t know Absalom, not lead a revolt against the king who happens to be your father, but that proves to be too much for the son of David. Or in the case of Peter act the fool when the Jews show up…even though these men have tried to have you killed in the past. One of the many things that verify the veracity of the Scriptures for me personally is the way God in His wisdom and mercy has laid things out for us to read in the future that has all the “big names” of the Bible acting in ways that are not in keeping with His decrees. We get the warts and all truth. Having the ability to see men sin helps us to see how Godly men react and then deal with the issue at hand.
I cannot imagine the level of disappointment David feels, well actually, I can because David explicitly tells us in Psalm 3 he writes:
“Lord, how they have increased who trouble me! Many are they who rise up against me. Many are they who say of me, ‘There is no help for him in God.’ Selah, but You, O Lord, are a shield for me, my glory and the One who lifts up my head.”
It has always interested me the order that the Holy Spirit has given us in the Lamb’s Songbook found in the Psalms. They are not in chronological order for sure, but neither are they randomly tossed together either. God has a purpose in how He has put them in our Bibles. Notice how this third psalm follows a psalm of the establishment of God’s people by the flowing waters and then a psalm which stakes out the kingship of Christ and warns heavily about the dangers coming to those who stand in His way. So it is interesting, to me at least, how the next psalm is one about one of the darkest days in the life of the King of Israel. The King of Kings is celebrated in Psalm 2, yet in Psalm 3 the “first of the line” is out of power, defeated, and nearly alone. Yet, what is it that David said above that has a word for us in the midst of disappointment? It may seem as if we’ve gotten off the main topic. However, think again about what disappointment is.
Disappointment is not receiving that which we think we are due.
And in the case of Paul and Peter, the Apostle to the Gentiles had every reason to be angry about what the Rock had done. Paul had spent a while now comforting the fears of the gentiles over their concern about their relationship to the old covenant and its outward requirements. Peter in showing them up had damaged the whole work that Paul had spent who knows how much time working on.
Though, how does Paul respond? With righteous anger? To be sure. Though he does not lash out in resentment for what Peter has done to him, but for the trouble that Peter’s actions have caused the work of the gospel. Likewise with David his displeasure with Absalom is not about his kingdom, or his household, or even himself. You see David knows that he deserves what has happened because of his sin with Bathsheba, and he humbles himself under the weight of what has taken place, and recognizes the lawfulness of God’s discipline, as we see in Psalm 51. The pleas of David in Psalm 3 surround the trials this whole matter has brought to the people of God in Israel.
And here is the key to dealing with disappointment.
First of all we need to ask the question about what it is that we are actual disappointed about.
1) Is it personal pride that has been shaken? If so then maybe we need to consider that the emotion we are feeling isn’t one of discouragement, but of a bruised ego. If your kid doesn’t get into Yale or Harvard and you are embarrassed because everyone else’s kids in your cohort got into the Ivy League and then you whine about being “disappointed”, then maybe the problem isn’t your kid.
2) Is it because of sin that this has come? As noted this is definitely the situation with David, and it will be the same with Peter in Matthew 26. Their own moral failures have led them into a situation where they are either are disappointed in someone else or are let down by their own actions. The only way to deal with this is to humble oneself, to repent and believe. Confess, truly and rightly, that you have broken the commandments of the Lord, and place not the blame on anyone else but yourself. David cannot do Absalom’s repentance for him, but he can take steps to repair the role he played in allowing the situation to take place to begin with. In may ways this is much harder than the first question, but just because something is difficult doesn’t mean we don’t need to do it. Christ never said we would never have any burdens, just that He would carry them for us. Having done this then we are called to move forward in the fruits of repentance, as we see with David in Psalm 32 and Peter as he weeps.
3) Is it disappointment or inconvenience? There is much about the first question above that could be expanded and here is one place that could be done. Are we sad about what happened or just bothered we have to deal with it? There is a big difference on this front and one that must be central to our coming to terms with it.
4) Lastly, let us say that you are like Paul in the Galatians 2 situation, or the Father in Luke 15 and you have been sinned against, not just disappointed, and have not played any role in having this come to pass. How are we to deal with this? Well, again the Bible gives a straightforward answer here: we are not to return evil for evil. We are to turn the other cheek, allow God to handle the vengeance, and are to exhibit the same love and mercy to those who have sinned against us as Christ shows to us. This also isn’t easy. But killing with kindness isn’t just a fancy way of saying “Bless Your Heart”. It is the Biblical way of handling disappointment. Part of the problem we have of acting in this way is that we have a very short-sighted view of the world. Men and women have a real issue with understanding the long game in God’s providence. This is part of the reason why Jesus says what He says about forgiving Seventy tines Seven. Your witnessing of the Gospel to those who persecute you, or disappoint you, is a means by which the Lord has established to win those who are engaged in attacking your soul by their actions, as well as those things which disappoint you. You never know when grace upon grace will bring peace in that situation. But God knows, and we must work in accordance with His means and purposes.
In closing, there is a theme that has undergird a lot of what I’ve written and that is the idea that for the Believer one of the hardest things to deal with is remembering that first Q/A of the Shorter Catechism. Our chief, central, and most important goal of life is that we were created to glorify God and enjoy Him. That means that any “disappointment” we feel must be gauged against not only our relationship with Christ, but the larger purposes of God in His creation. Things can seem huge to us, that are meaningless in the scheme of things, and we have to ask ourselves a question about what is the true purpose in our reaction. Are we willing to be humble in the face of disappointment, even if we are right? Is our reaction to this going to cause more trouble and strife than the initial act? Because how many times in life can we look back and think of situations where patience and prudence won out over rashness and the immediate. This has gone on far too long, but I hope you can gleam some help from this word salad.
May the Lord bless you today and His grace shine upon you and give you peace.
Today's reading is from Deepak Reju:
https://www.ligonier.org/learn/articles/dealing-disappointment/
Blessings in Christ,
Rev. Benjamin Glaser
Pastor, Bethany ARP Church